and Sex Addictions
Secret sexual acting out may take many forms,
including affairs (infidelity), addiction to pornography, texting
or chatting online, or having sex with anonymous hookups or
prostitutes. Such behaviors promise an escape into easy sex without
and frustrations of creating intimacy with a committed partner.
these behaviors remain hidden, they will block growth,
intimacy, and pleasure within the primary relationship/marriage, and
will cause increasing harm to everyone involved.
Can your marriage be saved?
If you have discovered that your partner has been cheating on you or has a secret sex life this can
be deeply painful and turn your world upside down.
If your sexual life involves keeping secrets from your
partner, this will be destructive to your relationship and to your own
peace of mind. Acting out sexually can be exciting, but it does not
lead to satisfying sex or intimacy.
For everyone involved, feelings of hurt, anger, disgust, and/or humiliation are
normal responses. Don't let these intense feelings or anything else
you from getting the help you need.
Although you may feel awful and your relationship
may seem hopeless during the initial crisis stage, the discovery or
admission of sexual acting out is the first step to
healing. As painful as it is, this is an
important opportunity for growth and healing for both of you and your
Honesty from both partners is essential for recovery.
Early recovery will also involve learning good self-care and
how to deal with the intense feelings that arise.
Later in recovery, both partners will need help to
address the root problems of shame, codependency, and fears of
The experience of recovering from sexual acting out can
bring partners closer together than before. With honesty, commitment,
and improved communication both partners can move into real-life
passion and deeply satisfying intimacy.
am available to help you to sort out your feelings and I can guide both
partners in the steps necessary to begin healing.