After Blogging for Lent: Kindness
WARNING: ADULT CONTENT
It’s been more than two months since I last wrote for my blog.
I learned a lot about myself by writing those 33 blogs during Lent. I took a lot of risks in my writing and worked hard to articulate deeply personal experiences and feelings. I tried to be ruthlessly honest as I examined my daily life, including my sexual life. Overall, I felt satisfied with what I wrote. So although I didn’t complete my commitment to write daily for the forty days of Lent, I am more than okay with the thirty-three days I did write.
Lent is the remembrance of Jesus fasting and being tempted. His experiences in the desert helped him to prepare for his public ministry. I do believe that my Lenten journey this year has helped me to step forward in my public ministry, both in my writing and in my coaching. In my writing, I pushed myself to go beyond my comfort zone and generated a great deal of personal satisfaction. Since Lent, I have taught two workshops on Mapping the Soul’s Journey to Wholeness. And I have accompanied several courageous men on their journeys of self-discovery as they have explored the spiritual side of their sexuality with me in coaching.
Now more than ever, I feel called to share my journey as I continue to explore the relationship between sexuality and spirituality. I continue to have amazing experiences exploring desire and learning to love myself more fully. I have a lot more that I want to explore and to share.
So I am hereby committing to blog at least once each week and see how that works out. And that means sometimes I will have to accept that my blog is short and not as in-depth as I want. One of my most important learnings during my Lenten blogs is that following through with writing on a schedule is more important than my judgments about what I have written. Writing is a way to explore and express my love of myself and to share my love with my readers.
I continue to believe that one of our most important tasks in life is to love. That means exploring love in all of its many expressions. And for me, that must include some opportunities to be broken open to the ecstatic energies that flow through our hearts. To surrender to a divine experience greater than my ego.
Love energy is life energy. Life energy is erotic energy. Almost every living thing that exists around us is the result of some action of erotic energy—the joining of one individual life to another, which yields blessings to both individuals and their community. The opening to life energy brings healing and renewal, and new life. It is the story of creation.
Within myself and my personal relationships, and in the men and women I am coaching, I keep discovering how afraid we are of opening ourselves to one another, to being fully present and intimate. Afraid to receive and give love. I’m not just talking about sex here, but all types of interactions. We have been so wounded in our families, relationships, and culture. We talk about love in idealistic and romantic terms, but it is so hard to trust enough to be fully present to another person, even our life-long partner. We have so many blocks to connecting in loving ways. Fear and mistrust grow, we become better defended and more rigid. As our diminished joy becomes our “normal” we become cynical, doubting that love is real.
There is another way. The Dali Lama says that all that is required of us is to be kind. And the core of Jesus radical teachings is to love God (creation) with your whole heart and to love your neighbor as yourself. And I believe it all starts with being loving and kind to myself.
Hafiz, the Sufi poet, says:
It happens all the time in heaven,
And some day
It will begin to happen
Again on earth—
That men and women who are married,
And men and men who are
And women and women
Who give each other
Often will get down on their knees
And while so tenderly
Holding their lover’s hand,
With tears in their eyes,
Will sincerely speak, saying,
How can I be more loving to you;
How can I be more