Beyond Comfort Zones
WARNING: ADULT CONTENT
I like it so much when things fit my agenda. You know, like when I say I’m going to write every day for 40 days, and find the inspiration and clarity of mind to do it.
But what happens when I can’t order up a nicely packaged blog post? Like yesterday. I just couldn’t make myself write. So I felt uncomfortable. Guilty and ashamed. Like I failed.
When I do what I think I’m supposed to do, I’m in my comfort zone. I feel good. Or at least comfortable.
But am I really supposed to feel comfortable during my 40 days in the desert? Isn’t the point of a Lenten journey to move me outside of my comfort zone? So if everything goes according to plan and I meet my agendas, how is that moving beyond my comfort zone? How is that moving me into new territory? How will I make a new beginning when I am still so attached to the way I think things should be? Or the way they used to be?
Long before I started writing blogs, there was a time when I couldn’t write poetry. I’d get so tangled up in the rules and my perfectionism. It was agony. Definitely not fun. By the time I had finished with it, I had beaten all the juice right out of it.
And then I started listening to poet Robert Bly and other writers, artists, and musicians talk about the source of their creativity. I listened to them talk about their frustrations and failings as they struggled to find their way out of their comfort zones into that unpredictable creative space. A vulnerable space. Where magic happens.
Tonight, I tried to follow my heart as I wrote. It felt like a poem was bubbling up inside me. Here it is:
A Few Days After Our Thirty-eighth Wedding Anniversary
To touch you,
to fall in love with you,
I had to let go of my past and my comfort
and let your love wash over me.
I’d go through it all again,
this letting go of everything
until nothing remains but the joy
of being present to one another moment by moment.
But sweetest one,
now that we are such good lovers,
kiss me the same way you kissed me yesterday.
It was so tender and I liked it so!
And now make love with me,
exactly as we did three nights ago
because it transcended all words
and brought us closer to God!
I barely know you anymore.
If we could remember the things we did,
surely we could recapture those moments
when our souls touched…